This morning I was a little out of it

Again

Like usual

I thought about getting a tattoo

But I can’t

Because

It would show through my sleeves

Because

I always wear white T-shirts

Even in the winter

And I’ll be working in this office

At least until next August

So I can’t get the tattoo

 

But

It didn’t stop there

That’s not the only thing that hurts

 

I got in the shower

And almost immediately

Wanted to cut

I snapped out of it

Again

Like usual

And chided myself for my bad habits

But then

Again

It hit me like a wall

I hit the wall

And pushed my face into my arms

 

I felt a few tears welling up

Again

Like usual

I thought

Maybe I need to cry now

Maybe something wants to come out

But instead of crying

I started writing

But of course I didn’t have a pencil

 

I’m surprised I remembered the words as

well as I did,

considering I didn’t practice them when

I was writing.

and by writing, I mean thinking

instead of crying

 

But

At least I wasn’t doing

What I was trying so hard not to do

 

So

I ended up not going to work today

But what do I say

At least I didn’t get hurt today?

Sure,

My boss will like that.

 

 

 

Oh. The Sun Came Out.