I’ll keep throwing buckets of water off the side of the boat

And searching the bottom of the floor for the hole

Because as much as I pour out, even more comes flooding in

I should’ve looked up first, this whole time it’s been raining

 

The scattered music pages all around my space

I know the move that I was not supposed to make

But I did anyway

I wrote about the rain

 

And pushed myself to my wit’s end

The loathing calls me like a vixen

The next object of my fixation

How long has it been raining

 

I’ll keep spilling buckets of water off the side of the boat

And searching the bottom of the floor for the hole

No matter how much I toss, much more comes pouring in

I should’ve looked up first, this whole time it’s been raining

 

My body can’t keep up with my brain

My body operates on hatred and pain

The feeling’s mutual

I’d destroy it all

 

And sit in a perfume headache

Blue lights screaming and my vision

Getting worse by the day

How long has the sky been gray

 

I keep crying myself to sleep, thinking I’m letting it out

Is it stress or PMS or both or is it entirely something else

Because no matter how much I succumb to tears it feels

Like there’s more where it came from, I’m not healing

 

All the nights I stay up and

Curse at my predicament

Stacking up my karma debt

Like Seonbae said

 

And I wonder what’s the point

And write in counterpoint

Because I can’t stay my hand

The keyboard is my pet

I just want to understand

 

I keep fainting and shaking, thinking my body’s finally done

Is it depression or menses, I keep bleeding and throwing up

Because no matter much I let it do what it does

There’s more where it came from

When will the rain stop