I don’t know what I’m doing 

Why I’m saying this 

Saying anything 

 

I used to imagine the possibility 

That I’d been adopted 

That my real family 

Was some kind of royalty 

That had been massacred 

And I’d been sent to live afterwards 

With people who looked like my new identity 

Or something 

 

I couldn’t accept that I was home 

Couldn’t believe the fate that I’d been thrown 

Into  

I aged and 

My daydreams 

Changed but 

I still don’t feel like I belong 

I’m not me. I can’t be. 

 

I would shut up about my depressive episodes 

If they’d let me suffer in peace 

In silence 

Completely 

Out of touch with my identity 

With my physical body 

But instead 

I complain again and again 

That I can barely taste the food I’ve made with my own hands 

That I can’t feel the rhythm, no matter what genre I play 

On the hour-long train ride 

Where the city lights 

Make me want to cry 

Because I don’t even feel like I’m here 

And the world keeps… going. 

Or something

 

I couldn’t accept that I was home 

Couldn’t believe the fate that I’d been thrown 

Into  

I aged and 

My daydreams 

Changed but 

I still don’t feel like I belong 

I’m not me. I can’t be. 

 

The traffic’s pretty bad these days 

The drivers all go mad with haste 

I’m reminded for a moment I’m alive because I’m filled with rage 

But my aggression dies 

Like the rest of my insides 

Everything has faded 

 

And I can’t accept that this is me 

Can’t believe, can’t believe, can’t be 

My daydreams 

Changed but 

I’d still disappear in a heartbeat 

I still don’t feel my heart beat 

I’m not me. I’m not me.