I don’t know what I want to say
How to account for what you’ve done to me
There are so many thoughts passing
Faster than I can catch them
And none of them are pleasant
I am full of sorrow. I am full of rage.
I am disappointed, full of hate
It’s not you, it’s all me
It’s my fault I’m in this pain
I want to give up
I feel like giving up
How could I have worked for so long
And never gotten closer to who I want to be
I’m not a victim, I’m just that slow
What’s the point of trying if I’m still this
Incompetent
Thoughtless
I’ve never thought I was stupid before
But now I feel like I’m a waste of the air I breathe

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.

This isn’t your fault.
You don’t have to clean up after me
You don’t have to console me
You don’t have to walk me through anything
I am so so sorry

I keep feeling like I should reach out
I’ve grown dependent on my support
I’m about to drag myself down
I’m no wiser than I was before
I need to do this alone
I need to grow, no matter how much it hurts
If I’m not strong enough to handle this on my own
Then when will I ever be able to mature
I’m reflecting
I will get there
If I never talk to you again
If you never want to hear from me again
If you want to cut off this friendship
I get it. I understand.
You’ve been babying me when I claimed to be an adult
How do I say I’m grateful
Without being selfish?
How do I show you my respect for you
How much I love you
When you’ve been nothing but the sweetest
And I’ve hurt you this bad

I’m sorry
I’m sorry

I sat at the piano yesterday and played around in C#m
It didn’t make me feel better so I distracted myself with the false worlds in my computer screen
Even this is about me, not about you.
How do I stop being so selfish
How do I be what you need?

It took me so long to open up about the hard things
But now I feel too scared to talk at all
But this is about me, not you
It’s my fault I don’t know where the line is
It’s my fault that I can’t cope
Don’t be sorry to me for doing this
It’s my fault that I can’t cope